A dear friend of mine is soon going to become a mom for the first time and I felt inspired by other wise words to her to share some of my wisdom. Ha – wisdom. That’s just a word. Call it whatever you want to really. But these are my thoughts on the subject matter.
My own son is not quite two yet. And this has been by far the craziest most amazing exhausting wonderful terrifying soulful depressing exhilarating exhausting two years of my life. I have learned so much in such a short time. Wouldn’t change it for anything. Did I mention I am exhausted? Like a lot of the time. I am not an expert. FAR far from it. I flounder most days and question my ability to do this mother thing at least twice a week. But at the end of the day when he wraps his little arms around me it makes sense. Or when he falls and needs the magical kiss to make it better, it makes sense. And just like that it doesn’t make sense again but you persevere. You put one foot in front of the other. You don’t quit. And then just like that it’s a new day and you get to try to do it right all over again. You will fail over and over again. At least you will think you have. But you haven’t. Because you are loving that child with every cell in your body, every breath you take, every decision made. You will cry. You will cry so much. Sometimes you will cry so much that you run out of tears. But you will laugh. You will laugh so much more than you will cry. These tiny humans are so freaken funny. Seriously, just when you think they can’t be any cuter, there they go, cracking you up again.
Your heart will be full. You will love like you have never loved before. Sometimes you will step back and just look at your life and go “whoa” (in a good way!) You will love so much sometimes it hurts and you can’t imagine loving anything or anyone ever again the same way again. You will also love your partner more. Each day you will fall in love all over again and deeper. (Some days you will also feel like killing him. But because you fell in love all over again today, you won’t actually do it!) Love. Just love…
Read. As much as you can. But not necessarily those parenting know how books. (Although if that helps you, then by all means, read those too.) Read about how other moms feel like they are failing and screwing up their children just as bad as the next person. We all feel that way at one point or another (or lots of the time) so sometimes you just need to read about how that mom that you thought had it all together found her kid sticking his hand in the toilet followed by licking said hand that was in the toilet. (I am neither conforming nor denying that this scenario occurred in my house)
Stay you. Continue to be the beautiful you that you are. But also don’t be scared when the you that you are changes. Just a little. It happens. Of course it happens. You change. Becoming a mom is something that changes you. But. Stay you. Take time for you. Make sure that you look after yourself. If that means yoga classes or eating chocolate bars or book club – whatever you did, do. It won’t be as easy. That class happens riiiiiiight when babe is usually napping. Book club is typically babe’s supper time. You will figure it out. You will find a way. You can take the best care of your tiny human (and your partner and the home and…the list goes on) when you take care of yourself. You can still change the world even though you are a mom now.
Date. Don’t forget about your partner. Things changed a lot for you from the moment you knew you were pregnant. They did for him, not as much, but some. But suddenly this addition to the family has really upset his world. Just don’t forget to include him and love him and let him in. And make time for each other. Remember the things you talked about before the baby?? Talk about those things.
I have more. But I will stop now. It’s too hard to drink my wine efficiently and type at the same time. So my last philosophical literary is DON’T listen to anyone’s advice. Seriously. Just do what you gotta do. Get from morning to night with minimal poop on your clothes and shower once in awhile. Keep the babe happy and fed. (There I am, telling you want to do again!) When you need help ask. When you think what people are telling you to do is ridiculous – do whatever you were going to do anyways.